days like these

Some days are good days. And some days are hard days. Sometimes it can feel like the days never change, and that they’ll be this way forever. I mean the long, feeding, burping, diaper changing, crying, catnap taking, days that don’t seem to end. Don’t get me wrong – I love Emma, and being a mom. It’s just hard work. But there are the days where she doesn’t cry as much, and I feel like I’m doing the right things for her. I know when to feed her, for how long, when she’s tired, when she’s wet, and when she’s awake and staring at me, it reminds me that she is worth it. And even though she cries alot, my crying has subsided. It may return, so I won’t hold my breath, but for now I seem to be able to get by. Although I am really good at eating meals with one hand. That’s the hardest part. I have Emma to take care of, and yet to take care of her, I have to take care of myself. I have to make sure I’m fed and rested, otherwise I can’t be there for her. So it is a battle sometimes.

She is having a bath right now with dad, so that’s why I actually have a minute to write. But I should lie down, rest, eat, drink, when she’s occupied. But it’s also hard to get away. When she’s napping, I should be napping, but instead I get all excited that I have a little bit of time to do something. Then I pay for it later when she won’t nap and I’m exhausted. She’s over 3 weeks now, which, in the books anyway, means she’s halfway to having a more regular feeding/sleeping schedule. The last 3 weeks have been long, long weeks. But I still look forward to the next 3.

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