soul searching

so I’ve been doing alot of research lately on different styles of bringing up baby. On doing some of that research, I uncovered some unsettling criticism for the Babywise way and it’s chief, Gary Ezzo. And I’ve thought alot about it and what I’ve been through in the last week and thought about how Emma’s only so little for so long. I’ve given more thought to the Dr. Sears style of attachment parenting, which is more in line with La Leche League in terms of breastfeeding. And really, my heart goes with that. I want to rock Emma to sleep. I want to nurse her whenever she needs it (of course, making sure she is actually getting enough hindmilk, as evidenced today by her surplus of poopy diapers…) and carry her around in a sling or carrier. I love that she’s so little and needs me (and John) so much. I know that it will pass, all too quickly, and the sleep deprivation (which my mom said will last 18 years!) will become a memory when she’s all grown up.

I was driving around the other day and watching people in their cars, in the stores, and on the sidewalk, and it struck me that each one of those people used to be a helpless little baby like Emma. It was humbling. And then I think about Jesus and how he gave up his glory to become a helpless babe too. I’m pretty sure Mary didn’t put him on a schedule, but probably went with her heart and instincts on how to feed and nurture him.

And so once again I fall victim to the problem of there being too much information available in the world. It’s sad that we second guess ourselves instead of trusting that God made us and will guide us in whatever we do, as long as we are faithful to Him. I know that when I rest in the knowledge of God, the days are easier, and truthfully, Emma cries much less. She still cries, of course she does, she’s a baby after all. But it’s not the heart-wrenching cry… it’s the cry of need, of hunger, tiredness, and the "I’ve had enough, make it go away".

Her gassiness, which made her scream in the middle of the night the past couple of nights, seems to be passing. Hopefully it was a side effect of immunizations, my tension and anxiety, and the tomato pasta. I’m back to eating my regular diet, dairy included, carrying her more, nursing her longer (and yes, sometimes to sleep!), and just loving her as she is, routine or not. There’s plenty of time to develop a daily routine. For now we just need to develop our relationship.

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2 responses

  1. I was driving around the other day
    and watching people in their cars, in the stores, and on the sidewalk,
    and it struck me that each one of those people used to be a helpless
    little baby like Emma. It was humbling. And then I think about Jesus
    and how he gave up his glory to become a helpless babe too. I’m pretty
    sure Mary didn’t put him on a schedule, but probably went with her
    heart and instincts on how to feed and nurture him.

    Beautiful.

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